With the new year upon us, I feel the pressure to make a resolution. Sadly my resolution year after year has been the same thing, to lose weight, and every year I fail, and even worse have gained 20 lbs in the past 4 years of "trying" to lose. So I have failed, miserably. Obviously everything I have tried in the past is not working for me. I set unrealistic goals, and am extremely hard on myself when I fail. Now what?
I have not made any significant strides since the 1st towards my desired lifestyle, to be honest, my mind, and body are still on holiday, and I don't know how to come back to reality. Starting tomorrow my goal is to get up at 7am every morning, shower and have coffee before the kids get up, and that's it for now. Nothing to do with diet or exercise. There is a life I can see for myself, and I desire it more than anything right now. Trouble is I don't know how to get there, or if I will even like it when I do. Only thing I can do is try, and modify my goals along the way. Maybe most importantly though, taken on sound advice from friends and family, I need to love myself now. To see myself for the positive, not scold myself for my failures. They are tired of hearing it, and I am beyond exhausted of repeating myself.
"I was in the darkness, so the darkness I became." (from Cosmic Love, by Florence and the Machine), this song represents my relationship with myself more than I can say. I am angry at myself for letting it get this bad, for trying to find other sources of my unhappiness, when all I needed to do was look inside and listen to myself. So my resolution for 2011, is to change my personal theme song.
Happy New Year all, thanks for reading.
~Shaunna
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