If Birthdays Wore Socks...

While the results aren't astonishingly apparent, I feel good about my newest photo. The two were taken 6 months apart, but I have not been legitimately trying this whole time, and the dreaded Christmas holiday bulked me up even further weight wise, both photos I weigh about the same, 183ish. In the last month I have lost about 8 lbs. I wanted to lose at least 10, so that just shows me how truly hard this undertaking is, and how I need to be a little more disciplined as I go forward.

My measurements are a positive motivation for sure. I used my ribbons to see how much I've lost since April 4th. Officially I am down 10.9 inches over all! This is proudly displayed on my refrigerator! The ribbon pieces (over top of the green lines) are the bits I got to cut off this month. 3.3 cm around the "girls", 3.4 cm down around my waist, and 4.2 cm of these child bearing hips! This does feel good, and I hope the next month of downsizing produces similar results!

I am still struggling with food addiction, and will power when it comes to un-healthy portions. I probably always will. Day by day though, I feel myself growing stronger, and I KNOW I can do this. I am just incredibly impatient! These small results do help keep me satisfied for now, but when my 29th birthday shows up at my doorstep I hope I knock it's socks off. That is...if birthdays had feet.

Weekly Words to Live By:

Even if you fall on your face, you're still moving forward. -Victor Kiam

Cleaning the Slate.

I had a little slip this past week with Easter and all, but I am back on the wagon and buckling in for the ride. I really need to live and breathe this new lifestyle if I expect to have decent results by my 29th (gulp) birthday. I missed a few days of the gym last week, but hope to make up for it this week with super healthy clean eating, and an extra day of the gym.

Life around the house is peacefully uneventful. Spaceman has made leaps and bounds in the attitude department, and the more good days we have the more effortless it becomes. I have been trying to spring clean, though the weather seems to be unsure of Springs arrival, my internal clock is screaming for household organization. When the house is organized, my mind is quieter. I spent the entirety of yesterday morning organizing Hunny's room, throwing out all the junk, broken toys, and garbage she has so sweetly accumulated. She just loves to fill empty space with "stuff", purses, containers, pockets, corners, like a cute and less hairy pack rat.

I am constantly thinking of what to do in September when my house is kid free for the better part of  the day. I toss and turn at night wondering how I will make it all work. I try to tell myself (and believe it), that things will all come together. Unfortunately a job will not just be sitting there waiting for me to be ready for it. I have to make it happen. For now I am concentrating on this summer with my kids, because it may be the last one I have off with them, once I get through that I will go into career mode. I am excited and nervous all at the same time. The thing that has defined me for the last 7 years is being a stay-at-home Momma. When I am not that woman anymore.....who will I be?

Weekly Words to Live By:

Success is falling nine times and getting up ten.

-Jon Bon Jovi

A Perfect Reflection Starts on the Inside.

Weeks 1, 2, and 3 down, I'm starting into week 4. I can feel the high of being active, and eating better. If only I could bottle this feeling and stockpile it for when the lull in motivation comes, and I know it will. I have lost 5 lbs officially (yay!), it has taken 3 weeks which the old Shaunna would find discouraging, but the new me knows that's a decent loss for this stage in the game, and the slower it comes off the more likely it stays off. I do feel that now that I have a few workouts under my belt it might be time to step it up in the healthy eating department. After all weight loss is all based on calories in and calories out.

Like I said I feel great, and I can see the reflection it is leaving on the other aspects of my life. I feel like a better person. Well the same person, with major upgrades! I feel a little sad that it has taken me this long to try this hard, kind of mourning the time I would have had to feel great in my body. That being said, there is no way to go back. Forward is the only direction, so on I go, shutting those negative thoughts off the best I can.

I took measurements of my chest, waist, and hips, with ribbon (and cut them to my exact size). Once a month I am going to re-measure and cut off the bits I've lost, I will tape those bits to my fridge and use them as motivation... A visual reminder of my progress. This along with my crazy daily weigh in's (torture I know! but I can't help it), and photo updates should be enough to keep the fire under both of my asses! ;P

Weekly words to live by:
The things we hate about ourselves aren't more real than things we like about ourselves.  ~Ellen Goodman

A little Get Up and Go(ji)!

Bad news is I have given my belly fat a name (HERBERT....cause Herbert likes sherbert!). Don't they say if you find a stray pet and give it a name you are doomed to keep it? Well hopefully not, because this "pet" is not a welcome guest. Herbert this is you're eviction notice!

MJB and I had a fun date night on Friday, at the Fest of Ale, which was definitely damaging to my weight loss progress, but was amazing for my relationship with my husband. It has been a long time since we had a night out together, without kids (over night might I add), it just felt really good to reconnect on a husband and wife level.

With two weeks of Gymin' it under my belt, I feel the pride kicking in. The fact that I am finally doing something about Herbert (and his chubby friends that like to hang out around my extremities) makes me feel better about myself already, even though no obvious physical changes have taken place. That's the key right there, just taking ownership of my flaws, and holding myself responsible (says the girl who drank her weight in beer on Friday, oops) for my actions. I will try my hardest not to get discouraged, and my best to eat healthy (with an innocent cheat here and there for my sanity's sake).

My brother in law is big into his health (a granola muncher if you will), he's always getting us to try new things, and these days it's 4 new items he swears by, dried Goji berries, chia seed, buckwheat, and golden flax. He soaks them in water at night for his morning bowl of oatmeal. I mixed them in into my smoothie, that I reluctantly drank this morning because I was far from hungry. I did a little research on each of these little gems, and apparently eating them will do me wonders (just so long as I don't turn into a full on granola muncher).

I intend to do a photo update on May 1st, and hopefully we see a little less of Herbert, and a little more Shaunna!

Weekly Words to live by:

Success is sweet, the sweeter if long delayed and attained through maulfold struggles and defeats. -A. Bronson Alcott

A Little Less Conversation, A Little More Action!

Well I am doing some of that exercise stuff. It's a strange new world I have yet to fully explore but so far it feels like a place I might come to truly enjoy. Week 1 down, 31 weeks to go. Wow, when I look at it like that it seems a little on the overwhelming side. So Week 1 down, week 2 here I come. I am really going to try and just make this gym thing a part of my life. The only problem I need to work on is my post work out ravenousness (I had to see if this was indeed a word, and sure enough it is). I could eat a horse and it's baby after working out. I am trying to go four days a week (at least 3 no exceptions), 30-40 min of cardio and 20-30 minutes of weights. Hopefully if I keep this routine up, curb my "snacking", and watch the intake of "libations", by summer I might be able to wear a bathing suit and not feel crappy about it! I turn 29 on July 11th, and I am determined to be comfortable with my body by then, and to spend my last year being a twenty-something year old, proud of how I look. Not embarrassed like I have been, for far too long.

I can feel my life shaping up to how I imagined it would be by now. All the pieces are coming together. With Hunny going to school in September I am able to get a Mon-Fri job and I can not express how good it's going to feel to have a career, a real pay cheque, and something outside the house I can be proud of. A dual income is going to take MJB and I into a much easier time financially, we often find ourselves spread too thin, so it will be very nice not to worry so much about money. Now I have to get into the mindset of finding that career path, and following through. Sticking to something (what a concept!).

I feel excited for things to come, and also a little tentative. Like maybe things won't work out the way I see them, and then I'll be right where I am now. But those are my fears and insecurities talking, and I am strong enough to overcome them, remain positive and stay motivated. One day at a time.

Quote of the day: "I failed my way to success." -Thomas Edison

The Beginning is the Only Place to Start.

Spaceman has been a bit off lately, saying he doesn't like himself. Saying he's a bad kid, and it is breaking my heart. I feel so responsible for his happiness. When he talks like that I feel as though I have failed him. I want nothing more than for him to feel secure, proud, and loved. I look back now and see times when I should have adjusted my parenting style to suit his personality a little more, times when I should have really taken the time and put in the effort to help him overcome his fears, give him tools to express his feelings better. I know all along I have provided him with love, but I also know there were times when my patience had run out, and I reacted before thinking. Sending him to his room, giving a time out or taking away a beloved item, or privilege without getting to the root of the problem. So it's time to back peddle a bit, and arm him with the necessary tools to get through those times when he feels less than perfect. I have to really get in there now, and make up for lost time. I just want to see those dimples all the time, and for that he's gotta be smiling. So that is my mission these days, make Spaceman smile as much as I can.

I have been keeping a food journal, and it's been a great tool so far, I eat so mindlessly sometimes, so this way I am accountable for everything I consume (well I left out a few days over the weekend...I take no responsibility for those days). I wish I could say I have been keeping track of exercise too, but I have been found lacking (doing nothing) in that department. I would love for the weather to take a turn for the warm, because I have this tiny little spark in the back of my mind that I want to get out there and walk/jog/run to my favorite songs. I want to breathe in that fresh air, feel the burn in my calves, my heart pounding in my chest. Apparently not bad enough to get out there. Using the cold as an excuse, and when it warms up...it will be something else. I guess I just need to bite the bullet, force myself to get out there, and let the results motivate me to continue.

I am constantly shocked by responses to my blog, I feel really humbled by the fact my words resonate with so many other women, it is so emotionally freeing knowing I am not alone. A fact I knew before, but never really felt on a personal level. I took some time off of writing for a while, unintentionally, and now that I am back I feel more motivated than ever to make these words really come to life. Here goes nothing...

Quote of the day:

Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out.
Robert Collier

A Labour of (self)Love.

The time has come again for another burst of ambition and motivation. If I could just bottle this feeling so that I'd never run out, I might just get somewhere on this journey of weight loss, and life changes. I have been on this hellish roller coaster for far too long, I want to get the heck off this thing!

I feel guilty for letting myself down time and time again, and the bitch of it all it having written documentation of my failure. Then again at least I can't ignore my past, I have to look it in the face, say that was then, and this is now.

The winter blues have definitely set in, I am anxiously awaiting the warm spring and summer days to come. I also feel the terror of how time flies... I am running out of baggy sweater days! I can not wait for the beach and camping, BBQ's and parties, but I just want to spend those amazing moments feeling above all things, comfortable in my own skin.

Quote of the day:

The best way out is always through.
Robert Frost