Loud does not equal assertive.

I remember a time when I wanted to be really good at something. A time when my first priority was me. Now my life revolves around one thing, mothering. And I desparately want to be really good at it.  What makes a truly good mother though? Is it based on how how kids view us as a mother, or the opinion of others. I have found the only one who can really convince me I'm a good mom is myself.

Most days I feel like I am doing a good job, and at times I feel inadequate, like I'm failing my kids. Remembering that I am my toughest critic, I tried to look at myself from another point of view, an outside perspective. From the outside I look like I might have it together, like I'm a fun, confident, and in control mother. Even while inside I struggle with my feelings of regret for the way I handled a situation, or how my kids are acting in public, or some of the things that come out of their mouths. Maybe they aren't old enough to watch some of the movies we let them see, is there a better way to dicipline them, and my worst thought of all could it be that my son's temper came from me.

When did my fuse become so short? Why do I always end up yelling at the top of my lungs? Loud does not equal assertive. I must remember that kids will be kids, there is nothing my kids have done that some others haven't done too, and I am not the first or the last mother to feel this way. I need to focus on my positive attributes, I make my kids laugh daily, I provide them with the basics of life, and then some. They know I love them, and I make sure to tell them how great they are every chance I get. I am attempting to raise polite children, there are some manners that should not be lost to the changing times. People always tell us how good our kids are, and that makes me feel better about the job I'm doing.

I am just a woman, learning how to mother as I go, taking things one day at a time, and in the end, if my kids are happy, well adjusted, productive members of society, I will be content.