Karaoke-dokie!

I have been experiencing some major writers block, maybe in part due to the fact so much has gone on since my last post that I don't know where to begin. I left off last telling you all that I have a food addiction, and that realization still rings true, not that I've made any progress in kicking my habit. The problem is you can't just give up food cold turkey (mmm turkey), we have to eat for energy and the nutrients we get out of our food. So unlike other addicts who must stay away from their "drug" completely, I am forced to think about and take my drug everyday.So I am attempting to break it down to which foods are my personal poison, and cut them out completely. One of my major set backs is night time snacking, when the kids are asleep, and I get to kick back my mind starts wandering to snacks. So what is my game plan? Unfortunately at this time of the year not much, but in the new year (putting it off yet again, I know), I am going to change my habits completely. Just like someone trying to quit smoking, there are times when I just eat because it goes good with what I'm doing, so if my routine changes, hopefully so will my eating out of habit.

I did not lose any weight before MJB's Christmas party. But the outfit I bought myself was flattering, and my friend did my hair and makeup (because I am all thumbs in those departments), and I felt good, for the first time in a long time. So it is possible! I didn't think about my weight or looking fat once! There was a lot of drinking, some dancing, molesting a dancing Santa decoration (made the naughty list for sure), and karaoke, o boy was there some karaoke! I can't sing all that well, but I do sing with emotion, and I enjoy myself, so if my voice cracks a few times, or I look like a mule trying to eat an apple through a fence, I don't mind, because it's fun.

We are slowly finishing off our Christmas shopping, with only a few more things to buy, and with 9 days to go I feel like we are in pretty good shape. I am not going anywhere for anything this Christmas Eve! That's just mental suicide. I have pathetically wrapped most of the gifts and stuffed them lovingly under our tree (which is our best tree yet in my humble opinion, got it at RONA for $19.99 for those of you looking for a tree!) I really am the worst gift wrapper ever, but I figure they just get ripped into anyway, right? So it looks and smells like Christmas inside, now we just need a good dump of snow to make the outside look just as festive!

Might as well face it I'm Addicted to Food.

I had a life changing epiphany this morning. I DO have will power, I just ignore it. I always know what I should or should not be doing, there is a little voice in my head that says you should have the salad and not the double bacon cheeseburger with super sized fries, and a large root beer. I just look that voice straight in the eye and say screw you, I'm gonna eat what I want. The thing is what I want, more than anything right now, is to lose weight. I don't want food to have a hold of me. Hopefully now that I am aware of that voice being there FOR me, not against me. I need to listen to that voice and not let my saboteur self eff things up. I have to learn to say NO. My goal for the next few days is to really listen to my will power, let it take control. I am an addict. My drug of choice is food. It has more control over me than I'd like to admit. But here I am, doing just that.

My name is Shaunna, and for as long as I can remember I have been addicted to food.

Quality Conrtrol = Control Top Panty Hose...

The dreaded Christmas party season is upon us, and I haven't lost an ounce. In fact, to be brutally and regrettably honest, I am up a couple pounds as of this morning. I did do some Christmas baking, and have been diligent in sampling (for quality assurance purposes of course) the products. My guess is that and all the wine are to blame. So I am putting my photo update off until Dec 10th, the day before my husbands staff party. I have 8 days to get down and dirty about this, I can do anything for 8 days. I started an Acai berry cleanse a while back, and ditched on it, you just eat clean and healthy and take 4 of the pills after each meal, so it's time to dust off the bottle and get back onto a plan. Breakfast this morning is 1/2 and avocado, a few almonds, and a huge mandarin orange followed by a mammoth glass of water and 4 Nature's Plus Whole Food Total Body Cleanse with Acai and Exotic Superfruits capsules (that's a mouthful of a name). For lunch...a spinach salad with hard boiled egg, veggies and balsamic dressing. And for dinner a basa fillet with brown rice and veggies... If I can just keep my chubby mitts of the Christmas treats I might be alright today! One day at a time, that's all I can do.

I love writing and having this blog, but I still feel the need to find a hobby or an outlet beyond an online diary. I need a passion, something I can call my own, and pour all my creative energy into. I made Christmas cards using the professional photos we had taken, and used the free photo editing program Piknik, and went to town using the effects, and stickers, and text options that were free, and I loved just playing around, creating. I would love a pottery wheel, I have always wanted one, ever since grade 9 art class. Unfortunately I have no where to set one up. Maybe a pottery class would be a good place to start, see if I still like it as much as I did when I was 14. Then one day when we have a garage I can set up a little pottery corner and go to town on some clay. Until then must find something to satisfy my need for creating.

I wrote on my blog yesterday about my children's school Christmas play, and how I felt that it leaned a little too close to the religious side. A very slippery slope in my eyes. I am over it now that I have vented, I will be going to the showing of it tonight (which I never intended not to), and I will take from it what I did yesterday, all the bright eyed smiling kids, enjoying performing for their loved ones, taking pride in all their hard work. I hope I didn't offend anyone, that was not my intention, but unfortunately when it comes to religion that often happens, I am proud of who I am and not ashamed to admit I believe differently than most. In the end Christmas to me is about coming together as a family, a community, and as human beings to be joyful, share love, laughter, and kindness. Remembering we are all the same no matter where we come from, what we believe, or where we fit in on the class scale. Christmas is a feeling, not a possession. It belongs to everyone who wishes to feel it.