The Beginning is the Only Place to Start.

Spaceman has been a bit off lately, saying he doesn't like himself. Saying he's a bad kid, and it is breaking my heart. I feel so responsible for his happiness. When he talks like that I feel as though I have failed him. I want nothing more than for him to feel secure, proud, and loved. I look back now and see times when I should have adjusted my parenting style to suit his personality a little more, times when I should have really taken the time and put in the effort to help him overcome his fears, give him tools to express his feelings better. I know all along I have provided him with love, but I also know there were times when my patience had run out, and I reacted before thinking. Sending him to his room, giving a time out or taking away a beloved item, or privilege without getting to the root of the problem. So it's time to back peddle a bit, and arm him with the necessary tools to get through those times when he feels less than perfect. I have to really get in there now, and make up for lost time. I just want to see those dimples all the time, and for that he's gotta be smiling. So that is my mission these days, make Spaceman smile as much as I can.

I have been keeping a food journal, and it's been a great tool so far, I eat so mindlessly sometimes, so this way I am accountable for everything I consume (well I left out a few days over the weekend...I take no responsibility for those days). I wish I could say I have been keeping track of exercise too, but I have been found lacking (doing nothing) in that department. I would love for the weather to take a turn for the warm, because I have this tiny little spark in the back of my mind that I want to get out there and walk/jog/run to my favorite songs. I want to breathe in that fresh air, feel the burn in my calves, my heart pounding in my chest. Apparently not bad enough to get out there. Using the cold as an excuse, and when it warms up...it will be something else. I guess I just need to bite the bullet, force myself to get out there, and let the results motivate me to continue.

I am constantly shocked by responses to my blog, I feel really humbled by the fact my words resonate with so many other women, it is so emotionally freeing knowing I am not alone. A fact I knew before, but never really felt on a personal level. I took some time off of writing for a while, unintentionally, and now that I am back I feel more motivated than ever to make these words really come to life. Here goes nothing...

Quote of the day:

Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out.
Robert Collier

A Labour of (self)Love.

The time has come again for another burst of ambition and motivation. If I could just bottle this feeling so that I'd never run out, I might just get somewhere on this journey of weight loss, and life changes. I have been on this hellish roller coaster for far too long, I want to get the heck off this thing!

I feel guilty for letting myself down time and time again, and the bitch of it all it having written documentation of my failure. Then again at least I can't ignore my past, I have to look it in the face, say that was then, and this is now.

The winter blues have definitely set in, I am anxiously awaiting the warm spring and summer days to come. I also feel the terror of how time flies... I am running out of baggy sweater days! I can not wait for the beach and camping, BBQ's and parties, but I just want to spend those amazing moments feeling above all things, comfortable in my own skin.

Quote of the day:

The best way out is always through.
Robert Frost