Hits of my Heart

I have a "bucket list".

It's not a complete version, but it is a work in progress. For now it is mostly musical, people I need to see live before I die...Dwight Yoakam, Bob Seger, Steve Earle... these boys are getting older and I feel like my window of opportunity, to be right there in the same room as them pouring their heart out on stage, is closing.

These men wrote the music of my childhood. They are not just songs, but moments in time, real feelings, and true emotions. Music that someone wrote with pencil on paper... for a reason other than making money. Written and played by the hands of men and women who were taught or inspired by even greater musicians than themselves, who worked at their craft until their fingers bled. I just love it, I totally get it, I feel it, I can't get enough... 

Don't get me wrong I enjoy and am "entertained" by modern music.... but I LOVE me some oldies, they get to me in a way the so-called hits of this day and age never will. I love the way good music makes me feel, I want to feel that way all day long... I hope my kids feel this way about music, that they don't fall for the "disposable" music that comes and goes, but they feel their way to the hits of their heart, whatever they may be. While we're at it, add that to my bucket list... teaching my kids to know the difference!

What goes in is what you get out...

I have been giving it about 70% effort on my resolution to lose weight. I was trying to create a photo diary of my eating habits, I am so absentminded and for the most part forgot to take the photos, but here is what I did get, and basically this is how my diet has been going this week.

For breakfast I have been having smoothies I change up the ingredients a bit day to day, but these things are a constant. Vanilla yogurt, frozen blueberries, chia seeds, flax seeds, hemp hearts, pineapple juice. Sometimes with spinach leaves, banana, frozen mango.... I really like the smoothies, and find it easier to drink my breakfast than to eat it.

Lunch has been home made salad rolls, made with rice paper, Cole slaw mix, green onion, radishes, chopped roasted peanuts, imitation crab, and prawns, the sauce is hoisin sauce, sweet and sour sauce, honey, sesame oil, and a few of the chopped nuts. I love these, and have had them almost everyday for lunch...to the point where I need to take a wee break so I can loop around to loving them as much as I did the first day I made them!

For dinner, I eat what I make for everyone else, except I try to portion mine out differently, less starch more veg! I am trying to cut starchy carb foods out of my snacks, I can't live without them, but I can cut back, and only eat the ones I truly love. So a small portion of protein and veggies or fruit have been my snacks...most of the time ; ) I also ate pop corn, a few candies/chocolates, a bacon and egg bagel, had some wine, cheese and bacon mashed potatoes... I am sure there is more my mind is omitting, but I am trying to keep myself honest.

Now if I can say this is how I ate all week long religiously, I would most likely be reporting a weight loss for the week. But I am still hovering around 183 depending on the time of day. But I feel better, and have been fighting of most of my junk food cravings, I made a healthier pear crisp as a sweet snack for the times I am really dying of a sweet treat, but in all honesty it wasn't very good, and didn't satisfy my sweet tooth, but I did manage to use a tiny bit of inner strength to avoid eating something else to please it. I also realize that I'd be better off having a small portion of the not so good choices I love, than a larger portion of the things I wouldn't even feed to my dog...

Anyway that's where I am at. One decision at a time...Trying to ramp up to 80% effort this week....wish me luck!

Feeding my Soul

     The crazy holidays have come and gone, and with them a few rounds of the stomach flu and awful long lasting colds... that part I will try to mentally omit from my memories of Christmas 2011. I had a really great time, but I am glad it's over!     
  

     Moving into the year 2012, I see a clean slate, a year full of empty pages to fill. My list of resolutions is long, and really seems to be just a renewal of all the things I have always wanted to be or do, lose weight, be more organized, be a better mother, live greener... starting a new year just helps me to see the big picture more clearly. Every moment of this life counts, from the ordinary to the extraordinary, so I am planning to soak them all up accordingly.

     I received a beautiful little guitar for Christmas from Mike, and it is proving to be the best thing he could have ever given me. My calloused fingers are proof that I whole heartedly love "playing" it, or rather learning to play it at this point. It is feeding my soul... and I can't get enough. I hope I never lose that enthusiasm for it, and don't plan on it.

  
      I am all about saving money and conserving our funds this year, coupons and discount days are my new best friends, also shopping where the best prices are, as opposed to one stop shopping. I have the time and energy while the kids are in school, so might as well do it, no more laziness driven overpaying!

     I am going to focus a little time on posting photo food logs for the week on here, as another form of accountability and motivation, I'll be able to make a connection between what I am eating and how I feel, and I think that might help me in the long run, and if the weight comes off like I hope, I can look back and see what I did right! So I am starting out at 183 lbs today Jan. 4, 2012. See you in a week!

  

Taking a Break from my Break...

Wow, where to start? So much has happened since my last blog post, yet nothing that stands out all that much to backtrack and post about. So I s'pose I pick up where I left off... I am still in the ranks of the unemployed, an starting to really cherish the freedom an ease of my days without work or kids... don't tell my husband that....or my kids for that matter, as far as they are concerned I sit at home and wallow in my loneliness until they are one school for the day. I do miss them, and wish I had the opportunity to have them with me whenever the mood strikes, but 6 hours goes by quickly, the noise and mess pick up just where they left off.

I do intend on finding gainful employment in the foreseeable future, just not yet... I am taking a leave of absence from real life! I do realise I just had a 7 years long maternity leave, but I still think I am entitled to this sabbatical. It's more of a recharge and renew my sense of self and who I am outside of motherhood, so I can move forward in a genuine direction instead of going for it blindly. I have been volunteering at the kid's school as much as I can, helping organize the hot lunch program,  being there to help in their classrooms on special days, and meeting some great new people along the way. It feels great to be able to be a part of it all, and my kids really love me being there. It is such a community, and family minded school, and I am proud to help and be a part of that in my own small way.

So here I am, same old, same old, but with a little more clarity and focus (or lack there of) on just what these days ahead are all about... *said in the most selfless way possible* me... and finding out just what the bare bones, deep down inside "me" is capable of...

A Monday Unlike Any Other.

Dear Monday, You have been good to me so far. Thank you for that. I'm not always your biggest fan, but today, I don't mind you. Let's make this a habit, shall we? That is all. Yours Truly, Shaunna

If it's any indication of how my day has started out, I only hit snooze once this morning. I had time to get myself presentable, and it's a funny thing, but feel a lot better about myself going out into the world not looking like a mess. We got to school early so the kids got to play on the playground for 15 minutes before the bell rang at school, which never happens, which is a shame cause they love it.

I forced myself to eat some fruit for a quick breaky this morning, normally the thought of anything but water or coffee passing through these lips before 10:30am makes me wanna hurl. Today I forced a few prune plums down the hatch. Breakfast, (sort of) check. I am going to try and be a rabbit for a few days. Eating a ton of fruits, veggies, and hopefully that's about it. I have an exciting little trip to look forward to on Saturday, and I want to feel light and fresh and healthy going into it. I have been eating completely mindlessly lately, like I am boycotting the healthy lifestyle I want to be living. I had a little "spill" over a ring of rocks (an un-lit fire pit) last weekend (not my shiniest moment ever) and have lost every last bit of one of my toenails. So runners are a no-go, which means the gym is out for a while. That really disappoints me, I have the gym pass, the free time, and deep down, really really deep down, the drive to get in there. Just need this nasty toe to heal up enough to shove into a shoe!

My personal challenges this week:

~Eat a diet made up f 80% fruit and veggies, down at least 2L of water a day, and try to get into the gym 3x, and do the best I can with what I've got.
~Organize my clothes, put the summer stuff away, pull out the fall stuff. (Because, DANG it got cold out fast!)

Oh, the places you'll go...

Today is the official first day of the next chapter of my life. All my kids are in school now. Which leaves me home all alone, no longer a career stay-at-home mom... now I just stay home because I have no where else to go. My life actually feels changed, I can't put my finger on it, but all of a sudden I don't feel like the young Mom I used to be. I know I am still young, but this step forward has pushed me into a new more mature (for lack of a better word) frame of mind. I want to accomplish things, be somebody who does something that makes a difference to strangers. I want to be healthy and fit, to inspire people, just like me, to become the best version of themselves possible. I know I am not operating at my full potential yet, it will be exciting to see what life is like when I do.

Deciding which direction to go in has been really difficult, I have so many ideas and aspirations...maybe I have just had too much time to think about it. All I know is I need a focus, something to work towards, get out of these circles I keep spinning. First things first I am going to make an appointment to speak with someone at the local college, see what my options are, and what I should be doing now to set me up for a few steps down the road. I am frightened by the idea of 2 (or more) years of school, like it's so much time that I don't feel I have, but truth be told, everything I am leaning towards takes a good 2 years of college...or more. Which means by 32 (ish) I will be ready to take on the career life with some education under my belt. Qualifications... what a wonderful concept. I need me some!

Hunny has been amazing during this transition to kindergarten. She just goes, with no reservations, no looking back. Then I'm just standing there feeling sad for myself, but absolutely in awe of her strength and confidence at such an early age. In those moments I know I've done right by her... that now and later in life she's gonna be just fine! Oh, the places she'll go.

 (PS. If you haven't read the book "Oh, the places you'll Go!" by Dr.Seuss...please do, it's my favorite.)

Get Lost, and Find Yourself!

Seeing another week come and go has become a lot less scary than it used to be. A few months ago I found myself obsessing about food, and my physical appearance, and when those weeks would pass without "improvement" I would feel defeated. Recently I have been trying to adopt a new perspective, one that starts from the inside and not the outside. Trying to focus on things that I love and put myself into them whole-heartedly just the way I am.

I hope I am setting a good example for my kids too, ensuring them that life is not about how you look, but who you are. They are gorgeous, fun, and bright little lights, and I never want them to feel like anything but their own personal perfects. I will no longer have a hand in possibly making them second guess their beauty inside or out. I will show them that the two go hand.

I am going away this weekend with a great group of ladies, and while I will miss my babies and my MJB, I am really looking forward to just being Shaunna for a while. Checking my noisy, restless brain at the door and recharging my batteries. So I can come home a better wife and Mama. I think time off is a must for everyone. When you feel burnt out and overwhelmed, remove yourself from the everyday, get back to the basics and just be for a few days. What you miss out on while you are gone, from work or home, you will make up for ten fold coming back feeling refreshed and energized. We become so engrossed in everyday life that we forget a little bit why we do what we do. When I come home to my families faces I am ready to give them my all, and receive all they have to give.

So my advice for today....go get lost, and find yourself!