Dreaming in real-time...

It's that time again, life overhaul round #18, ding ding! I am ready for some realistic and sustainable changes to the everyday. I have been up, down, forward and back over the last 9 or so years, struggling with things like my ever increasing/decreasing and increasing again weight, being a better mother, wife, friend, and finding a happy place in between the life I envision for myself and REAL life.

My dreams right now paint a picture of a woman who treats exercise like brushing her teeth, who can pick up a guitar and play a song beginning, middle and end (and people will know what song it is), a woman who kicks ass and takes names at work, someone whose friends and family feel important and appreciated, a person who hangs her clothes on hangers and never runs out of clean socks, a wife that makes lunches for her husband to take to work and can find the self esteem and energy to feel sexy more often. She reads, writes, walks the dog, and calls her Grandma every week. This woman never goes out of the house in her jogging pants and over sized sweatshirt, because her outside matches her inside, and people know she has got her shit together. The house she lives in is organized and tidy, everything has a place and you know it will be there when you go to find it. Her fridge is stocked with things like kale, hemp hearts and quinoa... and she eats them because she knows that you get out what you put in. BUT....

Real life is dirty and raw. There are sharp edges and unlit corners that come up out of nowhere and best laid plans lie in wait for opportunity and circumstance. I can say I want to play guitar or go running everyday, but in reality I don't have the time or the energy. As much as I love it, real life doesn't always give me the free time and inspiration. I have realized now that when those moments come, you have to go for it. You don't know when the chance or feeling will come again. Alternatively, I also know on the mornings I want to roll out of bed skip the shower, wear joggers and yesterday's make-up, that's okay. There is always tomorrow to look amazing, and after a day without mascara I'll feel even better. I could obsess over a clean and organized house, but I have kids and they eat, sleep, and breathe chaos, so I roll with the punches and pick my battles.  Who doesn't want to eat better, I want my whole family to eat natural healthful food all the time. Reality is, kids like what they like and they will fight to keep the things they don't off their forks. I suppose I could go back in time and try to set a precedent earlier on in their lives. Oh! wait... no I can't. In reality I can only do the best with what's before me. I will celebrate the meals where my kids like the healthy options and sneak wholesome bits and pieces in when and where I can. I wont beat myself up over the few less-than-good-for-you things they do consume. I could just go nuts and overhaul the way we eat completely, but to what end, arguments with miserable kids who feel deprived and put down a shwack of junk when my back is turned. No, the line between reality and that dream lies somewhere between the steamed spinach and the Oreos... and that's okay.

Dreams have a place, they are there to help you aim for the stars and reality is there to keep your feet on the ground, the important thing is being content with landing somewhere in the middle of where your dreams can take you and what daily life will allow. Never lose sight of that amazing future you seek, because like a lantern in the dark, when you need it the most, that's what is going to take you in the right direction, even if its a few degrees up or down, left or right from what you always dreamed.